Life Lately : A Hypothetical World

I've been in that strange time-space thing again. The place where things feel still and calm, where the millions of things you have to do are forgotten and the approaching deadlines can't be seen. It sounds nice, but it's actually a scary place. How easily I fall into it and how often find myself there is beginning to worry me. It's like I'm in slow motion but the world around me doesn't stop. I'll look up and another week will be over. 

I wonder if one day I'll read back these 'Life Lately' posts with a therapist and see red flags and warning signs. Or, alternatively, I look back enviously and see a life that actually was calm and full of free time. You know when you look around at your status quo and realize it's not going to last? You feel bad for the future you, but you don't know how to hold on to the moment harder than you already are?

I'm simultaneously living in the moment, a bit too much, but also worried about the future and thinking I should be doing something different. It's YOLO mixed with FOMO and it's as dumb as it sounds. I need to be better at goal setting and focus and eliminating task switching. All those things bloggers write in script fonts in their bullet journals and downloadable desktop backgrounds. It's online 'boss lady' culture and persistent guilt about 'putting in the work.' 

But I feel like I missed the intro. 'What' exactly, though? I need specifics and I don't want to sign up for your mailing list or take your video course to find out...because you probably can't tell me. All I know is that I need to learn the difference between planning and living in a hypothetical world. I can't ignore the big picture, but I can't let it scare me. What's step one?

Life Lately : Free Writing My Thoughts

This is a slightly blurry screenshot from the Instagram video I posted over the weekend. The blurriness represents my current outlook on the world. Seriously, I need a new glasses prescription. It came on fast but I no longer feel safe driving at night. Thankfully, I'm not in a position where I need to before I get new glasses. I'm trying so hard to not take this time for granted, this work-from-home-tons-of-free-time lifestyle. It will probably end just as I'm really appreciating it.

Jim and I have decided that January and February don't count and we're starting our new year's resolutions/intentions with the Chinese New Year. We're supposedly both optimistic and independent Fire Tigers, though the 'self-confident' nature of Year of the Tigers doesn't seem to fit for me personally. (Honestly, the only personality test that's fit so far for me is the Enneagram test.) I only really treat personality test type things the same way I treat motivational a catalyst for my creative writing. Which is to say, I don't take any of it too seriously.

It's an attitude I should really be expanding to other aspects of my life. Namely, the relationship I have with the media I adore. Practice in; not seeing it as a personal attack when my taste in films, music, tv shows, musicalset cetera, et cetera, is called into question; is something I don't have much of. (I also should practice limiting my run-on sentences though that is something I have yet to be called out on.)

This is my second week of free writing my thoughts publically on my blog. I really enjoy sharing my 'life lately' in an odd stream-of-consciousness sort of way. I think I will continue it as a new feature. If you're here for the travel photos/wedding photos/cosplay photos, yes yes yes, that will be another aspect of me returning to my blog. I want to share everything. Your patience will be rewarded.